Anglické vtipy 2

5. červenec 2011 | 13.34 |

"Have you read the Bible?".
"No, I´m waiting for the film."

"Waiter, waiter, what does this fly in the bottom of my cup mean?"
"I ´m a waiter, Madam, not a fortune teller."

"Did you take my advice about your sleeplessness?
Did you count sheep?"
"Yes, I did , doctor. I counted up to 482 347."
"And did you fall asleep?"
"No - it was time to get up!"

"Dad, where are the Himalayas?"
"Ask your mother. She puts everything away."

Doctor: "Are you still taking the cough medicine I gave you?"
Patient: "No. I tasted it once and decided that I´d rather have the cough."

How can you tell which end of the worm is its head?
Tickle it middle and see which end smiles.

"Did you miss me while I was gone?"
"Were you gone?"

Father: "Why were you kept in after school, son?"
Son: "I didn´t know where the Bahamas were, Dad."
Father: "Well, in future remember where you put things."

"Are you coming out to play?"
"No, I´ve got to help Dad with my homework."

"How old are you now, Darren?" asked his auntie.
"How do you mean?" answered Darren.
"When I´m on a bus, when I go to cinema, or in a real life?"

Customer: "Waiter, what´s this fly doing in my ice-cream?"
Waiter: "Looks like it´s learning to ski."

Why do birds fly south in winter?
It´s too far to walk.

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