"Have you read the Bible?".
"No, I´m waiting for the film."
"Waiter, waiter, what does this fly in the bottom of my cup mean?"
"I ´m a waiter, Madam, not a fortune teller."
"Did you take my advice about your sleeplessness?
Did you count sheep?"
"Yes, I did , doctor. I counted up to 482 347."
"And did you fall asleep?"
"No - it was time to get up!"
"Dad, where are the Himalayas?"
"Ask your mother. She puts everything away."
Doctor: "Are you still taking the cough medicine I gave you?"
Patient: "No. I tasted it once and decided that I´d rather have the cough."
How can you tell which end of the worm is its head?
Tickle it middle and see which end smiles.
"Did you miss me while I was gone?"
"Were you gone?"
Father: "Why were you kept in after school, son?"
Son: "I didn´t know where the Bahamas were, Dad."
Father: "Well, in future remember where you put things."
"Are you coming out to play?"
"No, I´ve got to help Dad with my homework."
"How old are you now, Darren?" asked his auntie.
"How do you mean?" answered Darren.
"When I´m on a bus, when I go to cinema, or in a real life?"
Customer: "Waiter, what´s this fly doing in my ice-cream?"
Waiter: "Looks like it´s learning to ski."
Why do birds fly south in winter?
It´s too far to walk.